NO HRT - Week 5 of 6 - 'Low low low your boat'

Hello beauty's,

This week has been a journey... although not all due to hormonal imbalances/ fluctuations.

I had some cysts removed from my scalp last week as I mentioned in last weeks VLOG and that really did just set yet another week off with a bang. Naturally I went into it completely unprepared, thinking it was going to be painless since it was after all MINOR surgery... but like most things in my life at the moment, it was a bit of a shit show. I honestly feel like throughout this whole no HRT period I have just been dealing with some form of issue, periods, post period, migraine, minor surgery... but the latter in my mind shouldn't have knocked me on my arse like it did. The local anaesthetic didn't work fr the first cyst (I had 3 removed) and rather than say ouch I can feel that, I just tried to be 'brave' lol/ was worried I would come across as a wimp so stayed quiet. This did me absolutely no favours because what could have been a very sensible communication to the Dr, turned into an emotional outburst because the pain got too much. And the sound, my god the sound of someone cutting my scalp open, and then detaching the cyst *heaves while typing in memory*, was pretty horrendous. I managed to get to when he was stitching it back up before my emotional outbreak (just wow), so after a few more injections of anaesthetic all was good. The problem is, by this point my nervous system was in high alert mode and because of the pain, I then stayed in a tense (very tense) posture which did me no favours. I think it was the tension of my body that resulted in the aftercare being a nightmare. I was up until 3am that night , wondering my house in agony - migraine severity kind of pain, but this time all through my head neck and shoulder, and because of the positioning of the cysts, I could not get my head in a comfortable position for the life of me. This lasted 3 days, although eased a little each day...

Overall week 5 in some ways may have been the worst to date but that could be because of the low mood symptom coming back and the failed NHS apt which really didn't help. I'll go into more detail later but for now here's the week overview...

Week 5 (Days 29-35)

( Day 17 - 23 of menstrual cycle - Yup that means this was usually my 'good week', i.e after I've recovered from my period but not quite on the count down to my next...I feel robbed.)

Overall stress for the week 8/10 - The pain of surgery was a stress as it impacted sleep and mood.

Overall energy for the week 3/10 - Low mood and energy for all reasons discussed below

Sex Drive existence - 0.5/10 - Non existent - a spark on the evening Day 35 but FAIL.

Aches and pains - 8/10 - Due to minor surgery and tension I was holding.

Headaches - 7/10 - Due to minor surgery but probably worsened due to hormones too.

Bloat/ Digestion issue -9 /10 - Another bad week with the bloat...

Day 29 - Had the surgery at 9am which was a little traumatic as I have zero pain resilience, this is something that definitely gotten worse over the years. I mean I was bit of a cry baby when I was young apparently, but my pain threshold is man down/ non existent. I still managed to teach my yoga classes but my head was throbbing in both - I was so ready for a good nights sleep but that wasn't on the card. No personal yoga for me.

Day 30 - Sleep deprived - 5 hours sleep (I need around 9 to function properly these days). I didn't get anything done that I had planned as I was in grumpy pain. Forced myself to go for a walk but couldn't do yoga.

Day 31 - Still sore head but managed to get an assignment draft completed. I'd say energy was better which meant I was able to do a very slow yin style yoga class. This helped me find some relaxation and release some of the tension in my neck that I was still holding from trauma gate.

Day 32 - SOUL ESCAPE FESTIVAL - It was a lovely day out that I was absolutely in desperate need for. I did yoga, Thai Chi and half a breath-work class which I loved. I thought I ate well as dodged the gluten free and just stuck to water but sadly by the time I had gotten home, my stomach looked like I was pregnant. Hello extreme bloat. I was so fed up that I just ate some chocolate - I'd been so good and was just annoyed that it was bad.

Day 33 - Woke up crazy bloated (hello body dysmorphia) and was in a lot of discomfort - my mood was a little up and down moving from giggly and sleepy to emotional and aggy. We did some wholesome stuff as a family and this helped but due to my bloat I missed another day of yoga for me. Anxiety kicked in, manageable but there.

Day 34 - Woke up and did the school run - felt ok and managed to finish my assignment a day early. I felt productive and like I'd achieved something. Sadly my mood took a real big nose dive - I've not felt like this since before HRT and it wasn't pleasant. I was crying for no particular reason, but felt very bloated, tired and sad. More detail on this below. Video below for insight... (please note that I am fine - it's just the hormonal rollercoaster that I am now well versed with, the video is purely for educational purposes). Anxiety continued, but manageable.

Day 35 - Woke up feeling much lighter than the night before which was refreshing however the day was still not great and I had some familiar aches and pains in my hips and lower back flare up. Despite prioritising my wellbeing in the morning (healthy diet, yoga, dog walk), the afternoon took a nose dive after an NHS Gynae apt that I'd been waiting for months. Basically just another NHS apt where I was gaslighted and made to feel stupid for asking questions, more on this below. To add insult to injury, the night ended with another failed sex attempt. Week one started with a bang, but sadly didn't end with one. Anxiety continued, but manageable.

You may have noticed that I wasn't able to practice yoga as regularly as I usually do , and MAYBE this is what contributed to the week ending on a low. The bloat was intense and I have no idea what contributed other than my gradually reducing hormones. For a few weeks now the bloat has been prominent and as I've said before it really does impact my mood. Day 34 and 35 were bleak but it's no surprise having had 2 days of bloat and discomfort , it's almost just part of the cycle that was inevitably going to happen when my stomach reacted like that. The fact that I wasn't able to do yoga every day, which is an absolute god send with my perimenopause symptoms will have undoubtedly played its part.

It is interesting the low mood landed in week 5... FYI this is my most feared symptom and when I found out that I had to come off HRT I was dreading exactly this. I feared that the whole 6 weeks would be a constant of feeling like this but fortunately, it's taken until week 5 and it has been in waves, not consistent. Although still brutal, compared to how bad I felt before HRT, this definitely felt more manageable. Since I usually put these dark days / hours behind me whenever I come through the other side / my hormones level out, I thought it would be useful to record a video to remind me of how I felt, rather than just forgetting about it which I usually actively do. Since I'm doing this blog I thought it would be useful. It was intended to be used just for me to help write this blog but I've shared below because awareness and insight are the very reasons I am doing this. *TRIGGER WARNING - Snot and tears to follow lol* I understand that others would never dream of putting something so personal for others to see but the passion I have a bout raising awareness drives me through any worries like that, I want others to not only see first hand what some of the symptoms do to us, but also to let anybody else know whose going through their menopause journey, and experiencing anxiety or low mood, that they are not alone. I didn't know why I was crying, I just felt sad however before you watch you below, know that the next day I woke up fine... until later in the day which is what I'll go into afterwards....

OK I don't know what i've explained already about my health journey in these blogs, my hormone deprived brain can't remember and it doesn't have the patience or energy to read through it all to recap... So, let's just say there have been a series of NHS appointments over the last few years with a whole range of Dr's and consultants (gastroenterologists, immunologists, endocrinologists) who other than the latter, have pretty much told me that I am fine and nothing is wrong with me. This is sadly common for a lot of women going through perimenopause because the knowledge is just not widespread which is crazy considering how many women are suffering. Anyhoo, Day 35 was Gynae apt day, i've been waiting months, to discuss stress incontinence with running and general lack of sensation/ feeling like my vagina has packed her bag and run away ...without me. So I was excited to speak with someone who I could ask a whole load of questions with to explore treatment. Yet again, my bubble burst as the lady I saw couldn't have given a rats arse about what I was talking about. She told me all women leak - missing my point entirely and normalising something that shouldn't be! She said I wasn't perimenopausal if my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone ) test came back normal - this is incorrect, blood tests are not a reliable source of confirming perimenopause. She also ignored questions I asked, looking at me with a vacant expression and examining me, did so without talking / explaining making me feel like a piece of meet. I left feeling fed up, deflated and extremely frustrated, Long story short, I no longer have any faith left in the NHS for my current health issues nor my perimenopause journey and as such, I'm booked into a private clinic in London to get some much needed answers.

The entire situation upsets and angers me but absolutely spurs me on with what I do with the passion I have for helping other women manage their menopause symptoms thought menopause yoga.

Anyway, that's week 5 been and gone, now for week 6, which very unfortunately is another premenstrual week. Pray for Jade as I enter this final week of no HRT, while I'm hoping to have nothing to report, the time of my menstrual cycle isn't convincing...

Big love to you all, I hope my ramblings and updates on symptoms somehow help you on your own journey, even if that's through reassuring you or helping you to understand the impact of HRT.

Until next week....

Jade

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