I'm going to start by calling out how the last weeks weekly digest got published prematurely - I naively published on the Tuesday afternoon (Day 14) completely unaware how things would take. nose dive later that day. I mentioned I had yoga that I was looking forward to and my goodness - they will never be forgotten for all the wrong reasons. Having arrived at my first class, I felt VERY period but put on brave face and thought I'd benefit from the distraction. Towards the second half I had that dreaded feeling of a blood happening... not wanting to disrupt my students session I waited until the second of the class where we move in a Yin flow where the positions are held for 3 minutes and I made a dash for it. In the bathroom I was faced with a familiar HORROR show of which I had 3 minutes to clean up and rectify - I also had to message my partner to rush down to bring me a change of clothes as I was going straight into another class after this one. I managed to be in and out within the 3 mins and talk the students through the rest of the class.
In Savasana ANOTHER flood happened, the stress and anxiety of this happening at this point was palpable, I started to sweat and concluded the class in a calm manner but I had to swiftly excuse myself as I ran to the toilet again. Luckily my absolute legend of a partner had managed to drop off a change of clothes in the reception by this point (which was pretty impressive as were talking about 15 minutes here!). I dashed into the toilet and was faced with an even bigger HORROR show that I now how 7 minutes to sort, along with prepare for my next Menopause Yoga' class which requires all yoga matts and equipment to be changed position/ set out etc. I managed to sort myself out, change my clothes and have a quick pep talk with myself in the toilet as I was overwhelmed with guilt! GUILT? This is something I'll go into more detail in later. Anyway, I headed out to find some of my regulars there and explained what had happened - they completely understood and were lovely. I cleared my mind and prepared to start which was themed 'aches and pains' this is not the first time I've delivered a class while experiencing the very symptoms I was talking about. My period pains were on fire at this point, the heaviness was overwhelming, I felt dirty and just inflamed all over. Anyway, I started our woman's circle and as soon as one of my students started talking the FLOOD HAPPENED AGAIN. I questioned whether this was in my head and felt my now clean BLACK yoga bottoms, to find blood on my hand. I apologised to everyone and ran out for now the THIRD time over the course of my 2 classes, starting to feel a little tearful but adamant to not let it get me down and ruin the class for my students. I now found myself in a situation where I'd bled through both bottoms and had a choice of dark green small patch of blood or black large patch of blood - quite the predicament when you've not even started your asana part of the yoga class. I opted for the black - black is our friend during our menstrual cycles as even if you do bleed its the best colour to disguise it! I headed back out, padded within an inch of my life and managed to finish the class.
Despite my students being wonderfully understanding I was still haunted by guilt. Guilt that my body issues had ruined their experience in my yoga classes, guilt of my blood and body in general and as this moved into the next day , DAY 15, I had a word with myself. I'll touch on this in the following part of the blog - where we officially go into DAY 15, week 3!
Week 3
( Day 3 - 10 of menstrual cycle)
OK so week 3 has been another week of ups and downs, the ups are what I am choosing to focus on as they were pretty wonderful. I think this is important because its so easy to be bogged down with perimenopause / menopausal symptoms, our bodies certainly keep us on our toes and leave us vulnerable to low mood which is exactly why I made some of the choices I made in the week to follow... thou shalt not conquer me HRT withdrawal!
Overall stress for the week 6/10 (Period recovery and being man down left me feeling pretty stressed as my days were unproductive)
Overall energy for the week 4/10 (period related and some poor sleep - same as last week)
Sex Drive existence - 2/10 ( 'God loves a tryer' and that's exactly what I continued to do - to no avail FYI. In Maryon Stewarts book 'Manage your Menopause Naturally' she encourages to keep trying so that's exactly what I am doing)
Aches and pains - 7/10 (Period pains were a beast)
Headaches - 5/10 (Hormonal and hangover headaches - oops, yes I fell off the wagon as you'll read below).
Bloat/ Digestion issue -9 /10 (Period and post period !)
Day 15 - Woke up with a headache, period Pains, and a stomach that looked that it was hosting quadruplets (major bloat), I ached from head to toe - flu like symptoms. Needless to say, this was another sofa day. Even standing up was difficult - had zero energy.
Started to feel better around 4pm so managed to squeeze in walk ahead of teaching meditation and with that, I had gotten through the worst!
Day 16- Woke up with another headache but in general I felt much better than the days that had got me here! HOORAY. I was bloated still but didn't have period pains, the sun was shining and with that I impulsively decided to go out and get drunk with my new beautiful Aussie friend. I well and truly had cabin fever because other than teaching my classes for the last few days, i'd been in the house nursing my symptoms and I just knew I needed to get out!
So feeling a little better I managed to dedicate some time to study, and then headed out for a few drinks which ended in a drunken karaoke bar . All in all, a great day, probably had 1 or 2 many drinks but YOLO - no regrets and LOTS of laughs.
*Sorry to everyone else in the bar singing there song that had myself and Kelly shouting the lyrics back at them - like I said, maybe one or two drinks too many 😂*
Day 17 - Woke up feeling a little fragile but SMILING and laughing about the many things that had happened the day before. I was out walking with another friend by 9:30am, still bloated but now lightly bleeding with no period pains. It felt good to be out again, we went to the Boat House which i'd never been to but was pleasantly surprised! I definitely recommend - we sat outside while Dexter (my beautiful pooch) lived his best life swimming in the water.
All was well until my hangover kicked in 1pm - I succumbed to crisps, chocolate and coffee. All three things that I knew were bad for me but I needed to get through this hangover as I was on the 4 hour round trip to getting my daughter and friend. It worked in as much as was able to function and not throw up so success, but the bloat upped a notch and it felt uncomfortable.
Day 18 - Taught yoga in the morning which always leaves me feeling wonderful (Beginner and Menopause) then chilled in afternoon. Again found myself drinking as we and had friends over - which also resulted in me having melted marshmallow and chocolates around the fire pit. An absolute taste sensation but the bloat was REAL. I hit the wall with fatigue and went to bed at a reasonable time, albeit with a feeling that my stomach was not happy with the sugar.
Day 19- Woke up bloated and fatigued. I knew I'd overdone it by drinking twice this week but I had such a lovely time with friends and more importantly, I needed it! I had traded my bloat for emotional wellbeing and i'm happy with the trade.
As the evening arrived I had an hour where I felt emotional, anxious , brain fog and of course the bloat continued. I know whenever I am bloated that it impacts my mind, and so I was able to tell myself it was chemical. I also knew i'd made some not so wise choices with food over the last few days so was accepting of the bloat and that it itself helped me work through the emotions and anxiety. 2 hours later I was feeling fine again - it could also have been the hormonal rollercoaster.
Period ended - yay I survived!
Day 20- The bloat continued and the arches of my feet were really aching, my head was banging again and the weather in general left me feeling flustered. I had reflexology @ Centred Therapies which was absolutely wonderful (I lost my reflexology virginity having never had it before!) . I got home and started yoga but 30 minutes in I cut my session short, closed my eyes for savasana and woke up 2 hours later! Clearly something was happening following my reflexology and my body needed the sleep.
All in all a pretty pleasant day despite the bloat being in full flow.
Day 21- I woke up with another headache and smelly! In fact this had been brewing for a few days the hormonal stench 😂. Oestrogen levels impact our natural scents so whenever you notice your body scent changing, be kind to yourself as it's just chemical. This is normal for me when i'm menstruating but it had continued after my period and I wasn't a fan of it!
I did some strength training for the first time in months which left me feeling energised and amazing afterwards. That old saying blew off the cobwebs springs to mind. And to my absolute surprise, our attempts at sex also paid off - YES I GOT MY HAPPY ENDING! I questioned whether this was linked to exercise and getting my heart rate going during the strength training, maybe linked to the happy hormones we secrete when exercising? Who knows.. I wasn't complaining but definitely observed that I had trained in the morning so will bear that in mind for future attempts.. :-)
Later in the day my energy dwindled which could have been due to the weather, the fact that I'd exercised or hell, maybe the happy ending finished me off 😂 either way I was tired. I managed to get through yoga without any embarrassing drastic escapes. I felt exhausted afterwards, more so than usual so finished the day with a heavy body that needed sleep.
So .. some good choices and some not so good choices made this week but I am human. The headaches and bloat were probably the most prominent symptoms this week. The headaches could have been hormonal, could have been linked to the hot weather, or could have been exacerbated by my alcohol, chocolate and crappy processed food choices. Probably a combination of the lot I suspect. I don't feel bad about it though, I had SUCH FUN with my friends and I just felt like I needed it. Yes it may have worsened some symptoms but this 6 week journey of mine has already been full of ups and downs and it's important to make some choices that are centred around having fun. Headaches are no fun but the bloat is probably worse for me as I get full blown body dysmorphia. I know I am a slim build but when I'm bloated a feel like an absolute tank as all my clothes fell tight and I just feel crappy in general. Not to add that it puts pressure on my pelvic floor further so goodbye to this rental jogs I was trying to make more regular. -I don't stand a chance when the bloat is in full flow.
I've had some pretty low moments this week which are mainly centred around feeling useless, un productive and guilty due to my period poleaxing me! I want to talk about this further... I know I'm not alone with these feelings as I know there are others out there feeling a prisoner to their own body and symptoms. I get incredibly frustrated when I can't do anything, I feel lazy and just like a big lump of nothing which is silly because it's not a choice, I really am just respecting my body by resting when it needs it! So, when I get like this I have a word with myself - my body is clearly in need of rest and irrespective of my choices re alcohol and chocolate, life is for living and you have to listen to your intuition. Mine told me it needed to socialise and I'm glad I listened as I now have some lovely memories that I can giggle at when I need access to them!
The guilt I felt with my period is an interesting one. It took me back to when I worked in my corporate job where I'd sneak a tampon past my colleagues into the toilet, or be ashamed of having period pains or admitting that's why I was feeling unwell to my colleagues (usually male colleagues). If I couldn't go into work because my bleed was so heavy I would feel shame! If I had to leave a meeting to sort out a bleeding situation - I'd feel shame and embarrassment. So the other day when I had the horrible flooding experiences WHILST TEACHING these feelings all came back. I've been listening to the podcast '28ish days later' (recommended by another one of my lovely students - I heart you Esther!) which is where the menstrual cycle process is talked about in detail for each day of the cycle. It's soooo interesting and one part they do talk about is this shame we feel with our periods. It's worth a listen because it may well just help you reframe your menstruation and leave you feeling fascinated by the whole process. Perhaps, as it has done with me you will feel more comfortable knowing that it's completely normal to feel different throughout the different phases of the cycle. Depending on the week of my cycle, depends on which Jade you get. Whether that's the emotional, energetic, childlike or hermit Jade! :-) Society has left us feeling like it's normal to be consistent with who we are but that's just not the case for women - too much wonderful complex changes happen throughout our body every month so just ride the wave and be kind! And for those going through perimenopause/ menopause you know that our hormones fluctuate even further - have a listen to that podcast as it's very well explained and very relatable!
Finally, let's talk about sex baby! Some of you may read this feeling like some of the things in this blog is an overshare but the aim of this is to give you an accurate reflection of how coming off HRT for 6 weeks is impacting me - so warts and all is what I offer. I may have mentioned in an earlier blog (can't recall and menopause/ post migraine is in full flow - you'll hear more about this next week!), but the menopause symptoms that impact our lady parts is the least talked about. In fact , of the 70% of women who would benefit from local pessaries/ gels to help down below, only 7% of woman use it. That's a lot of women out there struggling with their lady parts - likely due to embarrassment or shame. Well, fear not lovely ones as I am on a mission to help you feel comfortable with every menopause symptom which is why this 6 week blog was a perfect opportunity to help with this.
Anyway this struggling brain is logging off, stay tuned for next weeks blog which starts with a bang - and not the good kind!
Big love to you,
Jade
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