Hello to every single one of you unique gorgeous beings!
This blog is dedicated to the power of acceptance. Let's start by having you about word "acceptance" .. how does it make you feel? Just the word itself, have a go. In fact let's go all out, give yourself 5 minutes to think about it, set a timer and just be with the word. Yes this may sound odd, and I may have lost your interest but stick with me because sometimes just sitting with a word and truly going inwards to explore what we think about it can be so bloody mind bending. Once you've done that, I invite you to then write down anything that came up for you. Does it bring up certain emotions? Memories? Aspirations? Goals? Regrets maybe? Do any colours come to mind when you sit and think about it...
*5 minutes later*
OK Jade what the hell was that about? I'm glad you asked :-) One of the things I've learnt to master over the last few years is learning how to sit with something. It has actually become something I rather enjoy doing.This is probably because nine times out of ten I end up down a rabbit hole, sometimes shocking myself back into reality, completely bamboozled by how the hell I got from A to =7%'\ but that's part of the enjoyment for me I guess 🤷🏻♀️. If I wrote down half of the random things I got into thinking I think I'd probably convince myself (any anyone who read it) that I needed to be locked away in a forbidden fortress in an attempt to protect those that surround me. Anyway less about my mental thoughts and back to the point ... I truly think that if you can't sit and be with your own random, complex, maze like thoughts and be entertained, occupied, empowered and most importantly COMFORTED by them then that's a big fat sign that you'd probably benefit from starting your inner journey.
So, acceptance. I asked you to think about this before I got started so you had a baseline and perspective. So before anything else you'd started thinking about how YOU relate to the word before I start waffling on. I think this is important because if you don't know what you think about something, you can very easily find yourself regurgitating somebody else's thoughts on the matter, and our brains are far too fascinating and complex for you to be robbed of YOUR OPINION. Sometimes you may think that you have an opinion or view, when in fact, if you dig deep and question it, you may discover that it isn't even yours. It's a perspective or narrative influenced/forced on you through society, family, loved ones, friends, and that just BLOWS my mind. It blows my mind because after years of truly believing I had strong views on certain things, clear perspectives and opinions, I look back and I can't believe how much of it was from what I thought I should believe, or even crazier, what my own coping mechanisms had strategically manoeuvred me into believing. As someone who used to think of myself as independent, strong willed, fierce even, I now smile inwardly at the irony of it all. If you start asking yourself what you think of something, and begin to understand and explore your relationship with it, you are officially on your path to understanding who you are! Congrats - because when you start this journey it really is the beginning of the rest of your life, challenging your own behaviours and thoughts. When you do this...*drum roll please , alas she's getting to the point * you can then work towards acceptance of your true self. Not the version of yourself that you project, not the version of yourself that's been programmed by external factors, the one inside that's been there all along, protected by all of your cleverly constructed coping mechanisms, the one that should be driving absolutely everything you do in life but instead is the one suppressed by the dominating world we live in today.
Accepting yourself means you just won't tolerate other people crap anymore. As soon as you know who you are, you know what's good and what's NOT GOOD for you. In accepting yourself you can put distance between all that no longer serves you - physical and emotional distance. In yoga, through Satya (truth) - that's honesty with yourself and others, you can work towards accepting the true you. Supported by the niyama Svadhyaya (self study) - you'll realise that loving and accepting yourself is what's life is all about. what we have, what we don't have, what we've achieved, what we haven't achieved... just own and wear those strengths because they are yous and nobody can take them away from you.elf you have to start taking action. It's all well and good telling yourself that you're going to do 'X' and you're going to do 'Y', but the best way for your body and mind to believe you is actually doing it. Don't put off to tomorrow something that you can do today. Accepting yourself relies on inner trust and if you are working against yourself consistently (see earlier post on Finding Yourself for more on this), you are going to feel unwell. Accepting yourself isn't a quick and easy switch of a button, like anything worth while it takes time, patience and consistency. n I didn't understand why or what was going on. Yoga, diet changes, HRT and zero stress policy in my life has really reduced the anxiety that haunted me, if I can change it then so can you! When i do wear it, it's nothing snazzy, just ya bog standard basics (tinted moisturiser, mascara, blush and mascara - BOG STANDARD MAKEUP FOR DUMMIES).
Some people are happy with their lives, utterly content - whether this is because they have true awareness of who they or happy with whatever their reality is - it doesn't really matter. If they look in the mirror every day and feel truly happy and content then for good them. Others however are not, and can find themselves living a life where things just keep. going. bloody. WRONG. OR, they have thoughts like 'is this it?', 'well this is my life now I just have to roll with it'. They can either roll over and just accept life as it is and it's inevitable continuation of the same ole shit/ of basic mundanity..live for the 5pm end of day cut off when work finishes and they can switch off, live for the weekend - where they can actually do the things they want to do or live for their annual leave, where they find themselves either throwing themselves into scenarios / places that help them forget what their real life is like, or even sometimes, use it as time where they can physically heal, rest and recuperate from the madness of their lives. FYI in case you're wondering, I fell into the latter so there's zero judgment here! I spent a good 35 years in this place. But... thanks to a few wrong turns, a whole bunch of life lessons and of course yoga, those clock watching days are a thing of the past for me. If this resonates with you then I'm speaking to you - the red pill out of the matrix is a way out it and a real opportunity to take some control back and do what you want *FYI the red pill taking you out of the matrix is a metaphor for you choosing self awareness and the with that, challenging the REAL journey with yourself, as opposed to just sticking with the comfort of what you think you know even if it isn't working for you.. -I just wanted to make that clear lol.. ok no more matrix talk!*. I'm going to be real with you, when you embark on a journey with yourself, there will be rocky roads/ mountains/ desert terrains, there will be storms that are challenging you every step of the way, all the while attempting to convince you that you're better off back in the matrix *OOPS - my bad, the matrix is back , IT JUST WORKS AS AN ANALOGY LOL*. The decisions i've made over the last few years have been big, tough and scary, but those decisions and choices had to happen as a commitment to myself and more importantly, as a commitment to the journey with myself that I'd chosen.
This journey of course has been further challenging with my perimenopause symptoms - they've been with me every step god bless them.. so supportive they are. Particularly the crippling anxiety at times, whispering doubts in my ears at any opportunity about walking away from everything I'd ever known. I just want to take a moment for anxiety because this is something so common in society today, and for menopausal ladies even more so as the hormones fluctuate and decline. It really did sneak up on me and at the time I couldn't connect the dots with what was going on and I certainly wasn't aware of my perimenopause hormone fluctuations *join the fricking club I hear you say!* So, with this in mind I just wanted to do a little shout of to anyone that's suffered with anxiety throughout their life, or to anyone now suffering with it. Know that you are not alone and the fact that you get up each day and do your best is inspirational and brave. Remember nobody knows what your journey is or what you're going through so if you put a brave face on and play it down, know that you don't have to, and even if you continue to do so, take solace knowing that so many other people are battling it the same as you. I'm in a much better place with it but my god it was bleak when I didn't understand why or what was going on. Yoga, diet changes, HRT and zero stress policy in my life has really reduced the anxiety that haunted me, if I can change it then so can you!
The hormone fluctuations seriously impact our bodies physiologically , it messes with our muscles, our organs, and our bodily functions. Let's touch on your brain for instance, the hippocampus is the part of your brain responsible for storing memories so when our hormones go feral , tumultuous, rollercoaster style, this part of the brain is impacted. Hmm what does this mean? Well, yes happy memories may come back, but what many women find in menopause is they are triggered by things that bring up past traumas and memories that they'd quite frankly leave behind. Since this isn't clean cut, and we can't easily take a pill to stop this from happening, *please note that there was no mention of the matrix pills here - growth :-)* it's something we have to work with and get to a point of acceptance. I'm from a family of 8, lived in a teeny terraced house growing up and without going into the details it was pretty bleak with some of the stuff I experienced or witnessed. That, combined with some pretty, TERRIBLE relationships, I had a fair whack of stuff I was very much ready to move away from and leave in the past. This isn't a victim piece, I've explored all of this through therapy which was amazing as I was able to revisit and deal with it all, and then understand how this impacted my decisions as an adult and most importantly, enabled me to look inwards at the person I'd become as a result of it all. My point is, although I thought i'd 'dealt' with it all in therapy and had made the conscious decision to put it to bed, ole peri-twatty-menopause here decided that my body wasn't quite ready to do just that. This wasn't something I was prepared for because let's be honest, nothing quite prepares you for menopause... but.. that being said, I accepted it was happening have been just riding the wave, trusting the process, reassuring myself that its chemical and along the way doing my best through lifestyle choices to help manage the ups and downs. I've fallen off the surf board about 56, 7890 times (approx), I swallowed a shit load of water, I even smashed my head on the rocks on the ocean bed, hell even had a few scuffles with some sharks along the way, but I got back on the surf board every. single.time. It's been tough and exhausting, but I've had this inherent acceptance of what will be will be. I know i've made positive choices for myself, I know every decision I make comes from love of myself and others, and therefore I've put absolute trust in the universe that everything will work out. I've completely committed to myself, accepted this is my life for now and in doing so, put faith into the belief that I will be a better person at the end of it all,
I'm still on my journey, and I can say with almost certainty that I'm probably going to take a few more galleons of sea water, take a few more blows to the head and have a few more scraps with the predators that lure beneath me *sorry if iv've lost you with this analogy, it just feels right and I'm committed to it now lol*... BUT I do it with faith and determination because it's all worth it now knowing who I am and accepting that this is part of my journey. If my future self asked me if I'd do it all again - yes is the answer.
Accepting yourself means coming to terms with where you are in your life - accepting that you got here through every choice and decision you've made over the years and for right now its exactly where you're supposed to be. It doesn't matter if you're happy with where you are or not, but accepting it, and taking accountability for the parts you need to are important. Once you accept this part, you can then start to ask yourself questions around what you need to do to change this (if you want to?) Of course this is all made 1 million times easier if you wake up each day and trust yourself. Trust that you are capable of making positive decisions that put your wellbeing first - and to trust yourself you have to start taking action. It's all well and good telling yourself that you're going to do 'X' and you're going to do 'Y', but the best way for your body and mind to believe you is actually doing it. Don't put off to tomorrow something that you can do today. Accepting yourself relies on inner trust and if you are working against yourself consistently (see earlier post on Finding Yourself for more on this), you are going to feel unwell. Accepting yourself isn't a quick and easy switch of a button, like anything worth while it takes time, patience and consistency.
Accepting yourself physically is something that can be extremely difficult and in many cases we are SO hard on ourselves. I hated being so tall growing up, I hated having no boobs, I hated my teeth, I genuinely felt this strongly about myself. Hate.. I used this work regularly externally and internally to describe parts of my body and I truly meant it - how heart breaking is that? A young developing child telling themselves every day that there are parts of her body that they hated. The thought of my daughter, step-children, friends children or any child for that matter having any feelings of hate towards themselves breaks my bloody heart. I didn't have anyone growing up that taught me the importance of self love and I know i'm not alone, but even those that were lucky to have this drilled into them from being young can still find themselves looking in the mirror and not smiling back at what they see. Accepting yourself physically is something you can work towards though.. yes I speak the truth.
Despite the Kardashians, despite the filters that have infiltrated society, despite the endless amount of beauty products which *FYI just on this, I genuinely have no clue what half of them and have joked for years that I'm more man than woman when it comes to stuff like that - I am blissfully unaware of the many ways makeup products can 'better' my face! * My daughter and I had a play with makeup the other day, and we put some on her face, she felt ridiculous with it on and took it off within the hour. In fact, thankfully my daughter sees makeup as silly and on the very odd occasion I wear it she tells me I look better without. *Sounds like something a conditioned child would say right? 😂Her views on not wanting me to wear makeup predate me even considering to not wear makeup in the day!* I explain to her that makeup can make people feel better about themselves, and because of this, this even if she thinks they look silly, to be kind because she doesn't know how they feel about who they are on the inside. She also makes jokes about the "trout pout' which makes me laugh because without me even commenting, she has a distinctive opinion on makeup and posing which is amazing. It was difficult when I was young but these days kids have SO many reasons to question how they look with crushing beauty expectations. Just to be clear I do on occasion wear makeup, seemingly on very special occasions these days lol - genuinely my night time routine is so cleansing without having to wipe paint off my face! When i do wear it it's nothing snazzy, just ya bog standard basics (tinted moisturiser, mascara, blush and mascara - BOG STANDARD MAKEUP FOR DUMMIES).
I used to wear it every day without fail but nowadays the difference between stay at home comfy Jade, supermarket Jade, dog walk Jade and pretty much every day Jade is reducing by the day. The days of 'oh god hang on let me just get changed I can't possibly go out like this' are dwindling and maybe i've gone too far the other way? 😂 There's a running joke between myself and my partner about some of the concoctions I wear to the shop and it feels SO BLOODY GOOD. To not give a shit about what people think about how I look and to be comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to do it. This hasn't always been the case and that's why I am proud - I've been on my own journey with self image and for me to get to where I am today, despite the many many knock backs i've had along the day is something I hope inspires my daughter. When I stopped wearing makeup in the day it was because I was too ill and it just became the norm. I got used to seeing my face in the mirror without all the makeup ( including fake lashes) and this new normal helped my self esteem and I became more comfortable in my own skin. Maybe give it a go - commit to not wearing makeup for an amount of time, make sure you look in the mirror each day and speak kind words to yourself, maybe journal the experience and see if your perception changes at all throughout it? FYI - there's absolutely nothing wrong with wearing makeup - wear as much as you want, I still do if it's a SPECIAL OCCASION 😉. My point being, if you're doing it from a place of obligation and you feel like crap without it, it may be worth exploring deeper.
Accepting yourself for your strengths and weaknesses are also super important. Don't get defensive about the weaknesses, embrace them, you're human and its normal. Learn from them and if you wish to..change. Yes it's possible and yes you can do it. But only if you want to. As for your strengths, wear them every single bloody day. Life can knock you down and so in a world where we tend to aspire towards unrealistic perfection and as such have a critical outlook on ourselves , how we look, what we do, what we can't do, what we have, what we don't have, what we've achieved, what we haven't achieved... just own and wear those strengths because they are yous and nobody can take them away from you.
Accepting yourself means you just won't tolerate other people crap anymore. As soon as you know who you are, you know what's good and what's NOT GOOD for you. In accepting yourself you can put distance between all that no longer serves you - physical and emotional distance. In yoga, through Satya (truth) - that's honesty with yourself and others, you can work towards accepting the true you. Supported by the niyama Svadhyaya (self study) - you'll realise that loving and accepting yourself is what's life is all about.
Ahimsa (non-harming) is the first and most important Yama in yoga - to practise this means to behave in a loving manner to yourself and others. When you love yourself, you can accept yourself. When you accept yourself - you can find your inner thrive and flourish. When you accept yourself, you can live fully, unrestricted by anything that isn't love. Accepting yourself doesn't mean thinking you're perfect, it means coming to peace with who you are and not allowing anything external to challenge or impact that. Bliss.
Anyhoo this is way longer than id anticipated it to be, and due to my menopause brain has taken me 14 years to complete *slight exaggeration but you get the gist and know that some of you can relate to the brain fog and not having a Scooby doo where you were - each time I come back to it I have to re-read and it then gets changed!* Todays commitment was to get this blog out into the big bad world so to honour this commitment - I'm not going to risk delaying further by reading it back .
Big love to you all - I hope this has inspired you to work towards your acceptance. It has taken me 35 years, and I don't think I'd have gotten here without the help of yoga and my menopausal journey . We are all on our own journeys so quit comparing yourself to other unattainable versions of yourself you've created, stop comparing yourself to others and embrace this wonderful ride called life.
You are all beautiful unique beings and your wonderful complex brains shouldn't waste a second thinking your anything else.
Jade
🌟
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